Bush Meets his
Maker
During the hottest year
on record, George W. Bush finally
realized the full weight of his
mistake in supporting Big Pollution.
Facing worldwide drought, fires, and
famine, all brought on by global
warming, Bush fell to his knees.
"Save us, Lord!"
cried Bush, tears streaming down his
face.
"YOU CALLED?"
came a booming voice from the sky.
Startled, Bush sobbed.
"Why are you doing
this to the world, God?"
"WHY? YOU CUT DOWN
MY FORESTS. YOU SUCKED BLACK POISON
OUT OF THE GROUND AND BURNED IT IN
YOUR STUPID SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES.
YOU IGNORED ALL OF THE WARNINGS I
SENT TO YOU THROUGH YOUR SCIENTISTS.
YOUR ARROGANCE AND WASTEFUL WAYS
CAUSED THIS. I HAD NO HAND IN IT."
"Never mind that,
Lord. I'm asking for help here. We're
in big trouble!"
"YES, YOU ARE.
INCIDENTALLY, YOU KNOW THE STORY OF
GENESIS THAT TALKS ABOUT MY CREATING
THE WORLD IN SEVEN DAYS? THAT STORY
IS TRUE. WHAT YOUR IGNORANT
FUNDAMENTALISTS DON'T REALIZE IS THAT
A DAY TO ME IS THE EQUALIVALENT OF
ABOUT ONE BILLION EARTH YEARS."
"Yeah, yeah, that's
great, Lord. Now will you help us or
not?" responded a flustered Bush.
"THE GOOD NEWS IS
THAT I INTEND TO HELP YOU. THE BAD
NEWS IS THAT I'M BOOKED SOLID FOR THE
REST OF THE DAY. YOU'RE FIRST ON MY
LIST TOMORROW."
The "Potatoe"
Claims Another Conservative
Ex-Governor Bush Called
Former President Clinton one
afternoon.
"Hello, Bill? It's
Dubya. Say, I've been meanin' ta ask
ya sumthin'. How did you do so well
with the ladies when you were
president?"
"I'll tell ya,
George. The trick is to dazzle them
with charm and intelligent
conversation."
"Yeah, but what can
I do?" asked Bush.
Clinton paused. "Well,
George, if all else fails, try puttin'
a potato down your pants. That works
every time."
The next week, Bush
called Clinton again.
"Bill? Dubya. Laura
was in Crawford over the weekend and
I got to go stag to the embassy ball.
I tried the potato trick, but all the
ladies kept their distance."
"I know, I saw the
ball on C-SPAN," laughed Clinton.
"Next time, try puttin' the
potato down the front of
your pants."
Q: How many Bush
staffers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Two. One to remove
the perfectly good light bulb and
give it away to a millionaire and one
to swipe a new bulb from the Social
Security Administration Office.
Lost in the
Translation
On a visit to France,
George W. Bush and French President
Jacques Chirac are having lunch in a
fine local restauraunt. After being
seated and presented with menus, an
attractive young waitress approaches
the table.
"And what can I get
for you gentlemen?" asks the
waitress.
Bush looks up from his
menu and smiles politely. "Hey,
honey, how 'bout a quickie?"
Shocked, the waitress
slaps Bush and storms off.
After the waitress
disappears from sight, Chirac leans
over to Bush. In a low voice, he says:
"I think you mean 'quiche,'
Mr. President."
