| So you wake up Christmas
morning to a knock at the door. It's your drunk,
lazy uncle bearing gifts. This guy, who's been
living off your family his whole life, has a
large, heavy-looking box on a forklift. Without
saying a word, he drives the forklift into your
living room, sets the box on the floor, and
begins cutting away the cardboard. After a brief
struggle, enough packing is removed to reveal an
enormous high-definition television. It clearly
was made for a viewing area much larger than your
smallish living room. Your reaction is measured. "Uh, wow. What a great gift! Uh,
thanks so much. I just am a little concerned
about where to fit this."
"Don't worry," says
your uncle, "You can get rid of the couch
and put the TV against that wall."
"That sounds a bit
inconvenient, but I'm sure I can work something
out. By the way, did you get a job or something?
This is a very expensive gift."
"Jobs are for suckers. I
bought it with your credit card. Merry Christmas!"
What's the point of this bit of
fiction, you ask? Actually, I wrote it for those
Americans who are celebrating the capture of Saddam
Hussein by coalition forces on Saturday. Your drunk Uncle George
just delivered to the citizens of the United
States a lovely, but very expensive and
unnecessary gift. And the bill is just beginning
to arrive.
This would be a really good
time to set a few things straight. I, like all
liberals, am happy to know that Saddam Hussein
will never hurt anybody again. Unlike people such
as Ronald Reagan and Donald Rumsfeld, I never had
any use for Saddam Hussein. He has always been a
miserable human being. Unlike republicans, I
believe it was a mistake for the Reagan administration
to support Hussein and help him obtain the
components for the chemical weapons he was using on Iran during the war.
And, unlike republicans, I believe the capture of
this former Reagan administration ally, who was
no longer useful in advancing America's "projection
of power in the Middle East" foreign policy,
does not remotely justify the tremendous cost in
lives and treasure paid by Americans and Iraqis
alike.
Having said that, let's discuss
the pluses and minuses of the capture of Saddam
Hussein. Here are the pluses:
1. A former
ally of the Reagan administration is going to
jail.
2. The senseless deaths of Iraqi civilians (via
political assassinations) under the Hussein
regime have come to an end.
3. Hussein's capture may demoralize resistance
fighters in Iraq.
4. A spacious cellar near Tikrit is now available
for immediate occupancy.
5. $750,000 in cash found on Hussein could offset
by 3% the cost of the $25 million reward offered
for his capture.
Now, for the minuses:
1. 455 dead American
soldiers, 2,595 wounded American soldiers, low moral, suicides,
divorces, and the general upheaval of the lives
of our military personnel and their families. And
the numbers are increasing.
2. Estimates of between
8,000 and 10,000 Iraqi civilian deaths, although the Coalition Provisional
Authority (CPA) will not allow an
official body count to be performed. And the number is
increasing.
3. The beginning of senseless Iraqi civilian
deaths (via insurgent bombings) under the CPA.
4. Hussein's capture may embolden and/or inspire
resistance fighters in Iraq.
5. Approximately $90 billion
added to America's public debt. And the number is
increasing.
6. The diverting of anti-terrorism intelligence
and military resources to the prosecution of the
Iraq war.
7. The anti-Americanization of the civilized
world, which will make it easier for al-Qaeda
cells to find refuge, financing, and other
assistance worldwide.
8. The misguided belief by America's Dumbest
Conservatives that Hussein's capture somehow
represents a blow to terrorism.
That's all I've got. You do the
math.
To recap the last twenty years,
republicans under Reagan befriended and supported
Saddam Hussein with the goal of projecting power
into the Middle East. Over the last eighteen
months George W. Bush lied to the American people
by claiming the certain knowledge that Saddam
Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, ties to
terrorism, and represented a clear and immediate
threat to America and the world. Whether you're
talking about Reagan or Bush, the real goal of
the republicans remains unchanged. Due to their
obsession with oil, they are still seeking to
project power into the Middle East. So, out with
the old dictator and in with . . . well, nobody
knows. But you can bet that whoever he is, he'll
support the United States and its oil interests
in the region, for a while, anyway. And twenty
years from now, do you suspect that Secretary of
State Paul Bremer will be announcing that the
brutal, repressive Iraqi dictator, who received
authority from Bremer's CPA some twenty years
earlier, must be removed from power by force? I'd
give you even odds.
So, dear liberals, celebrate
with me the capture of one of the world's bad
guys. It will likely be the first and last good
news to come out of Iraq in our lifetimes. Soon,
it will be back to listening to republicans lie
about terrorism, counting bodies, and watching
the Bush administration create the Iraqi regime
that the next generation of Americans will have
to deal with.
12/15/03
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