Democrats: Better Politically Correct-ed than Elected.

How the hell did I get stuck with the Democratic Party?

In case you're wondering, I'm a bit miffed at the Democrats who attacked presidential candidate Howard Dean for mentioning recently that he wanted to appeal to Southern white voters who drive pickup trucks with Confederate flags in the windows. Naturally, such an outrageous comment started a chain reaction of faint-hearted Democrats soiling themselves. After all, the last thing any Democratic candidate should want is votes. Any decent Democrat would rather see George W. Bush win next November than see Bush's Democratic opponent receive a single vote from somebody we don't like, right? I know! Let's all put together a list of groups of people that we want to vote against the Democratic candidate next November and then we can send them fliers encouraging them not to support us in the election! We'll send out reminders to Southern white males on election eve, reminding them that we think they're a bunch of ignorant racists! With a little work, we can fashion the Democratic Party into the Chicago Cubs of politics!

Shame on any Democrat who feigned outrage at Howard Dean's remarks. And while we're at it, shame on Dean for apologizing to those Democrats. Nobody should have to apologize for making a true statement just because it didn't come out quite the way one hoped. Dean didn't say that he admires rednecks. He didn't say that reintroducing slavery could perk up the economy. Dean said that he wants the support of everybody, including people who do admire rednecks and would reinstate slavery if they could. After all, rednecks and bigots need health insurance, and they sure as hell aren't going to get it from the republicans.

Democrats should offer the following bargain to every working person who disagrees with us on racial and religious issues: We will continue to disagree with you on these divisive issues, and be damn proud to do so. But in exchange for your support, we're going to make your lives better. We're going to see to it that your employer pays you a fair wage and runs a safe and fair workplace. We're going to see that your children get a decent education and healthcare. We're going to see that the air you breathe and the water you drink is clean and safe. We're going to see that America will be a better place for your children than it was for you. And we're going to do the same for the people you hate for having dark skin or worshipping a different god or loving a member of the same sex. And when you compare that to the republican offer to allow you to play with guns and hate minorities in exchange for an ever-decreasing quality of life, you will not have an easier choice to make. You see, we Democrats are counting on your ability to put aside your beliefs in order to secure your future. Republicans, on the other hand, are counting on you to put aside your future in order to secure your beliefs. The choice is yours.

As for the comments made by Al Sharpton and John Edwards about Dean, I recognize cheap political opportunism when I see it. Howard Dean mentioned the Confederate flag without falling to his knees and begging forgiveness for doing so. Instead of defending Dean's completely benign remark, these guys piled on. Good news, guys. George W. Bush can save some of his campaign war chest this week. You've done as much damage to the Democratic cause as Bush's henchmen could have hoped to. If you listen closely, you can hear Bush's people laughing at you. As for me, I'm just trying to keep my dinner down.

Dr. Dean, here's a little advice: Remember your bedside manner. Don't apologize for anything in the future, even if it is a real gaffe. It makes you look weak and un-presidential. To every candidate who took a shot at Dean over his remarks, you had better decide whether you would risk four more years of George W. Bush in the White House just to finish ahead of Howard Dean in a couple of primaries. And to anybody who was offended by Dean's remarks (or mine, for that matter), I've got news for you: Republican Haley Barbour just won the race for governor in the state of Mississippi, and not only did he ask for and receive the support of Southern white voters who drive pickup trucks with Confederate flags in the windows, I'll bet you a nickel that he drives one himself. Instead of attacking your fellow Democrat for mildly flubbing a harmless remark, you had better learn to recognize who the enemy really is. Because if you don't, Barbour and his party are going to flatten our asses with that pickup truck next November.