Top Ten New Careers for Bob Barr
Ding! Dong! The witchhunter is dead! After nearly eight years of representing rich bastards, gun-totin' morons, pretend Christians and homophobes in the state of Georgia, soon-to-be-former Representative and general embarrassment to the human race Bob Barr will soon find himself out of work. While his replacement on the Republican side of the ballot, John Linder, won't stray one millimeter from the Barr's abysmal voting record, he would at least return something resembling dignity to the office of Representative while screwing the poor, elderly, and minorities of Georgia's newly formed seventh district. Barr's loss in the Republican primary doesn't represent a victory for America's liberals, but rather a small victory for civil politics.
As good as it feels to know that Barr finally received the old-fashioned ass-whippin' that he so richly deserved, let us remember that starting a new job at Barr's age is no laughing matter. With this in mind, I came up with a list of occupations that I think would fit Barr like a glove.
Without further ado, I give you:
The Angry Liberal's Top Ten New Careers for Bob Barr:
10. Security Guard (unarmed, of course)
9. Frame Maker - Specializing in Presidential Work
8. Organist - The Crossed Fingers Wedding Chapel
7. Model - Playgirl Magazine's "Boys of the National Rifle Association" photo spread (see Barr wearing nothing but a Derringer!)
6. Gun Cabinet Assassin
5. Pro Wrestler (bouts with cartoon characters only) - Ring name: "The Unanimator"
4. Author: Beautify Georgia by Removing Opponent's Unsightly Yard Signs.
3. Ventriloquist dummy for Charlton Heston's New Vegas Act: "Me & Mini-Moses"
2. Franchise Owner: Atlanta Fried Chickenhawk (This week's special: steamed lame duck)
And Finally:
1. Towel Boy - The Second AMENdMENt: Right to Bare Ass Bath House.
Adios, Bob!
8/21/02
